What do you get if you cross a mad scientist with another mad scientist? A horrible par a dox
Did you hear about the unsuccessful vampire hunter? He tried to kill a vampire by driving a pork chop through its heart because steaks were too expensive.
What do you call a merry-go-round for ghosts? A Scare-ousel
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? They're afraid of flying off the handle!
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What do you call a panty raid on a coven? An embarrassment of witches..
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
What do you call your girl-friend if she becomes a deer whenever there is a full moon? A Were-doe
What do you call a middle eastern exotic dancing mummy? A gauza stripper
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost? Put your boos and shocks on.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer.
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They're too wrapped up in themselves...
What did the momma ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street? Buckle your sheet belt .
How do you make a milkshake? You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
What happens when you fail to pay your exorcist? You get repossessed
What monster flies his kite in a rain storm? Benjamin Frankenstein.
Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town? Because they don't have any body to go out with...
What Is the obvious phrase for donating your body to a medical school? A Dead Give-away
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost? Don't spook until your spooken to.
What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet? A holy terror.
What was the werewolf's first name? Harry
What's a broom? Witch craft.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Where did the goblin throw the football? Over the ghoul line.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.
What would you find on a haunted beach? A sand witch.
How does a witch tell time? She looks at her witch watch.
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scare-a.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make? Boo boos.
What kind of protozoa likes Halloween? An amoeboo!
Who is the witches favorite singer? Robert Ghoulet
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scare-a.
Who was the most famous ghost detective? Sherlock Moans.
Who was the most famous witch detective? Warlock Holmes
Who was the most famous skeleton detective? Sherlock Bones.
Who was the most famous French skeleton? Napoleon bone-apart
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo
Where does Dracula water ski? On Lake Erie, off course.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
Where does Dracula keep his valuables? In a blood bank.
Why would you expect a snappy comeback from a mad scientist? They are known for their quick retorts.
What did one ghost say to the other ghost? "Do you believe in people?"
Which building does Dracula visit in New York? The Vampire State Building.
"What do you call an empty hot dog?" "A hollow weenie."
How do vampires get around on Halloween night? By blood vessels
Why do you always find ghouls and demons together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangsgiving..
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He had no guts.
What are a vampire's favorite snacks? Adam's apples and nectarines
Why can't the boy ghost have babies? Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
Why do mummies make excellent spies? They're good at keeping things under wraps
Why do dragons sleep during the day? So they can fight knights.
What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack? Count Duckula.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? It's a pain in the neck.
What do the birds sing on Halloween? Twick or Tweet
Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles? Have you ever tried to iron a monster?
What kind of car do the German scientist drive who clone sheep? Vee Double Ewe
If the devil lost his tail, where could he find a new one? At a store where they retail spirits
Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime? "Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? Because everyone was a goblin!
Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.
Where do corpses eat lunch? At the cadaver-teria
Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day? It's good for the bones
What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back? "You're under a vest!"
How do canine scavengers in Africa find their way in the dark? They use jackal lanterns.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by it's diameter? Pumpkin Pi.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
How did the ghost repair his sheet? With a pumpkin patch.
What would a monster's psychiatrist be called? Shrinkenstein...
How does a witch tell time? She looks at her witch watch.
What's soft, moldy and flies? A spoiled bat.
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
After the flash on his camera malfunctioned, what did Satan get back from the drugstore? Prints of darkness
Where did the vampire open his savings account? At a blood bank
What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream.
What do you call two witches living together? Broommates.
Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball? It was his bat.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween? Ghoul-aid
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument? A trombone..
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin
What kind of streets do zombies like the best? Dead ends...
What gormet meal was made from Bela Lugosi's cremated remains? Hungarian Ghoul Ash?
What should you say when you meet a ghost? "How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?"
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? He didn't have a haunting license.
How do you make a witch scratch? Take away her "W".
What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car? They boo-kle their seatbelts
What kind of dog does a mad scientist have? A lab.
Why do vampires need mouthwash? They have bat breath...
After watching an undertaker, how might you describe someone's death? As a fit of coffin.
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because people are dying to get in.
What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae? Whipped scream.
Do witches stay home on weekends? No. They go away for a spell.
What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation? A scareplane..
How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke:? She witch-hiked.
Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation...
What do you call a little monsters parents? Mummy and deady
Where do ghosts go shopping? In Boo-tiques.
What is Transylvania? Dracula's terror-tory
What's a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
How can you tell that Doctor Victor Frankenstein had a good sense of humor? Because he kept his monster in stitches.
What kind of monster do you have to look out for at the Laundromat? A washin' werewolf
Whom did the zombie invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up.
What instrument do skeletons play? Trom-BONE.
How do mummies hide? They wear masking tape.
What's a monster's favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
What type of dog do vampire's like the best? Bloodhounds...
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich...
How do Halloween spooks learn to be so scary? They attend ghost graduate school.
How do you make a milkshake? You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"
How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? They're afraid of flying off the handle!
What kind of vehicle does Satan drive? A Cadillac Devil
Why is the witch like a candle? They are both wicked.
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? Because everyone was a goblin!
What do skeletons say before they begin dining? Bone appetite!
What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his home? A grave problem.
What is a vampire's favorite sport? Casketball...
What kind of vehicle does God drive? Jesus Chrysler
What does a vampire fear most? Tooth decay
Why did the doctor tell the zombie to get some rest? He was dead on his feet.
What can't you give the headless horseman? A headache.
When you die and come back as a hillbilly, what's it called? Re-Intarnation
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? His ghoul friend
Who does Dracula get letters from? His fang club.
What computer software would a witch need to use if she wants to place a hex on a taxicab? A spell checker
What do rednecks do on Halloween? PUMP-kin
What kind of cereal do monsters eat? Ghost-Toasties
Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly? Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&Ms
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos.
What is a ghost's favorite ice cream flavor? Boo-berry.
What does a ghost eat for lunch? A Boo-logna sandwich.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray
How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? Give him screws.
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite...
Where do vampires learn to suck blood? In law school...
Why are vampires like false teeth? They all come out at night.